how to be sure of love
by kicking leaves
Summary: When a memory comes up, Cassie begins to doubt her love for Adam. How will she understand what's for real and what's not? I don't own the Secret Circle stories, only the plot of this FF is by me
1. Chapter 1

Cassie loved Adam. She was sure – there was the silver connection, and everything else. But there was something she didn't understand about him. They'd passed a month together, but there still was something that made her feel bad about them.

There was something bad in him, she knew. But at her eyes, he was so perfect that even if he had killed a baby she wouldn't have noticed. He was handsome, good, powerful in the coven, loved nature, loved her and had always been faithful (okay, well, he had been faithful only since he was with Cassie). She couldn't find any bad in him.

She felt so strange that before going to sleep, that night, she decided to help her dreams a bit, by putting a moonstone under her pillow.

And she found the solution, in her sleep. She found what the problem was.

Nick.

When she was with Nick, Adam was so angry with him. Even if he had Diana then.

Why? What did he think, back then? That Cassie was meant to be single, for the rest of her life? Alone, with nobody by her side, just because she couldn't have him?

Her problem with Adam was that he was too much selfish. He wanted both Diana and Cassie, and he wanted them all for himself.

It was five in the morning when Cassie woke up, and she was confused. Now that she understood the true personality of Adam, she didn't know what her feelings were. Cassie got up and reached the window. Looking at the sea had always helped her clearing her mind.

She couldn't feel the silver thread anymore. It was gone. Her love for Adam was gone.

But… It was impossible. According to what Diana and Melanie had said, they were soulmates.

She needed to talk about it with somebody, the sooner.

Diana?

No, she couldn't talk with her. Diana had sacrified herself for Adam and Cassie – Cassie couldn't just go to her place and say _hey Diana, know what? I don't love Adam anymore! You can keep him if you want! You know, all you did for us turned up to be useless._

Adam?

_Hey Adam, what a beautiful night, isn't it? You're so selfish that I don't feel anything for you anymore. Bye, see you tomorrow at school!_

What about Nick?

_Hey Nick… Sorry, I hurt you so much in the past, but I'm not in love with Adam anymore and I had the need to tell somebody. You seemed perfect._

Ohh, yes. An ex boyfriend. What the hell she had in mind? She couldn't tell anybody.

She was crying when she went down to the beach. She had passed months and months thinking that Adam was the only one for her, and now all her feelings were gone. She sat down on the sand, looking at the ocean. It was so big, and full of surprises. As life is.

_Sometimes my life will be calm, and sometimes there will be high waves_, she thought. _But I'll always be myself._

«Cassie?»

A voice she recognized. She didn't turn to look at the person who had called her, in that surprised tune. She already knew who this person was.


	2. Chapter 2

«…Chris?» she asked, suddenly not so sure anymore of whose voice was that.

«Yeah.»

Chris. She had never thought about him as a possible friend. She had always thought about him as "one of the group", but never realized he was a full person with a heart and all the rest. She had never even thought about him as a single person, and not as Doug's twin brother (same for Doug, anyway).

«What are you doin' here? I mean, it's late night.»

He remained silent for some second, and sat down, next to Cassie.

«I come here almost every night. When I feel… You know, when…» - he didn't finish the sentence. To Cassie, it seemed that Chris didn't want to think about it. «Well Cassie, why are you here?»

_That's not fair_, she found herself thinking.

«I asked first.»

«You're right» answered Chris, with a little smile on his lips. «I come here almost every night. When I miss her too much.»

Cassie was about to ask some more detail, like _her? Who?_, but she understood what Chris was trying to say. He was talking about Kori. His little sister, murdered just because "she wasn't planned". _It's my fault_, she suddenly thought. _It's my entire fault. If I weren't born, she wouldn't have died._

«Oh. I'm so sorry, Chris. I know how much you loved her…»

«I'm quite… I'm getting used to it. Missing her, I mean. It's just that… I can't sleep at night. But I'm alright.»

«Can I do anything for you?» Cassie asked. She felt useless. She wanted to help him. He was such a good person, when he wasn't punching anyone. He didn't deserve feeling that bad.

«Don't even try. There's nothing. Your turn.»

«I have problems with Adam. And he doesn't even know.»

«I guess I won.»  
«What?»

«My problem is bigger!» he chuckled. Making fun of it was the only way to feel in the mood for a smile. And he wanted to smile.

Cassie looked at him, trying to analyze his mood. He seemed older than the first time she met him. Way older. He had passed through hard times: his sister's death, the fight against Black John. _I want him to feel better_, she thought, _he deserves it_. Everyone deserves it. _When I first came here, I made these guys' lives too much complicated, now they need to feel better._

But, how? She about to leave Adam, and make three people feel awfully (Adam, at first. And after him, Diana and Nick).

«Yes. My point is, I want you all to feel good. I want the coven to be happy. And I'm only going to leave Adam alone, make Diana feel like a shit because she trusted me and making Nick think I'm a bitch just because I left him for a guy that in a month I suddenly don't like anymore. It's crap.»

«Cassie? You know that we all love you, right? Nobody is going to feel like shit or think you're a bitch. You're pretty nice to everyone here. There's nothing more you can do. Doug and I have lost our little sister, but you can't make her come back from death. And Nick loves you even if you're leaving Adam, Faye hates you but there's nothing you can do, Diana treats you as if you were her sister, and nothing's gonna make it change, Adam will be sad for a while but then he'll get back with Diana and they'll both be happy and same for Mel and Debs and Laurel and Suze, ok? Let's stop pretending to be some sort of evil and smile again.»

Wow. Cassie turned her head, and looked at him. _Wonderful speech, thank you_, every part of her body was yelling. She felt the urge to hug him. And kiss him.

She didn't.


End file.
